Today is the 12th anniversary of my mom’s death. It’s hard to believe that 12 years have gone by. At times it feels like she was around just yesterday. And then, at other times, it feels like it has been waaaaaay longer than 12 years since I’ve seen her and heard her voice.
I still miss her a lot. I wish she were here in person to talk to. I miss listening to her tell stories (even if they were the same stories I’d heard so many times before). There is consolation in prayer, knowing that I can reach out to her and speak to her in my heart, but I do miss the bodily her.
I’m an avid listener of CBC Radio 2 in the morning (it helps get me out of bed). One morning I heard a song by a PEI singer-songwriter named Jenn Grant that made me think of my mom (I think it was the reference to tiger lilies blowing in the wind). And then I found out that she wrote it after her mother died a few years ago. This is what she had to say about it:
“That song reminds me of my mom. A lot of this record [Compostela], because my mom died right before The Beautiful Wild came out….
Basically she passed away and I went to Spain. And it was a really hard trip because I was just crying all the time in Spain. And we’d go for dinner and I’d go to the bathroom, I’d be talking to my mom in the bathroom stall and balling my eyes out and stuff, and getting really bad sunburns. But she really wanted me to go there, in the hospital she kept saying to all the nurses, ‘My daughter’s going to Spain,’ I’d be like, ‘Oh my god I don’t want to go anywhere!’ But then I had the whole putting out of that last record and then touring it, and then more time on my own where all of this stuff was kind of percolating, and I dealt with my feelings and the experience and had the whole experience of losing someone that you love so much.”
So this song is for Jenn Grant’s mom, and for my mom too: